Quick reviews

To be a commercial, let me say I love Netflix -- they offer a ridiculous variety of movies, the suggestion ap is relatively useful, and the instant streaming provides plenty of decent movies and all the "Bob the Builder" the boy will ever need.

Some thoughts on the latest things I've watched:

"When In Rome"

Perhaps the lamest rom-com of all time. Incredibly bad. The acting is either too overwrought or too "give-me-my-paycheck-now." It's not a story, it's a list of cliches tapped out by a 13-year-old girl who just had a double-shot of espresso spiked with Ritalin. The plot is driven by a magic fountain that seems more pulled from the posterior than the midi-chlorians* in Star Wars.

And yet: The wife and I essentially turned against this movie about a third of the way through, and ended up cracking jokes and having a good time to the end, when you see a miscast Will Arnett unable to act like he's having a good time during the dance number.

This is the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" of rom-coms. A middling movie would have been more difficult to watch. I'm probably going to check out "Rome" again just to see what else there is to ridicule.


"Beer Wars"

A documentary that doesn't do justice to a fascinating subject. For some reason the woman who created the film thinks we should really be interested in her life. (I'm not.) It also doesn't help her point of view -- which she shoves down our throats the entire movie -- that she's allergic to beer. So she's railing against the major brewers out there (mainly Anheuser-Busch) and their "tasteless" beers, when she hasn't even tasted it or the micro-brews she's championing.

But, as I said, it's a fascinating subject, and there's enough info to keep you watching. It's just that the tone of the film is so strident and banal that it becomes annoying. This film would like to be an op-ed, but it feels more like a letter to the editor from the crazy old lady. (Those of you who work(ed) in newspapers can probably understand that reference better.)

I might write more on this later, as it started a couple of arguments in my head.


"Tenure"

A quaint movie with Owen Wilson and that guy who was on Saturday Night Live for half a season, way back when. It also has Gretchen Mol, who I find attractive simply because of her name. Owen plays a tenure-seeking college professor with a wrecked personal life. It's a simple, non-challenging story that feels like someone's first attempt at movie-making. Still, it's great for a slow, fall afternoon; when you don't mind the easy pace and gentle humor. Also good if you like Owen Wilson. Or quirky stories about English professors. Or Gretchen Mol for having such a hot name.


* Yes, it is spell-checked. You're welcome.

After seeing the Facebook movie "The Social Network"

Aaron Sorkin presents a dilemma: He gives you dialogue that is rhythmic, smart and an overall joy to put in your head. However, the realist side of my brain keeps reminding me that no one is ever that clever all the time, and few people hit snide asides or perfect take downs with that kind of regularity.

I.E., the dissolution of a relationship is an emotional bloodletting. People doing the breaking up generally give the bad news with words along the lines of, "We're breaking up. And in a mistaken attempt to soften the blow, I'm now going to say a bunch of mealy-mouth stuff that can be misunderstood by willing ears and will actually make this miserable process last even longer."

For the person taking the bad news, the response usually involves incoherent rambling and ineffectual insults about her taste in furniture.

(Perhaps this doesn't follow your experiences, but I'm hoping the personal reference points provide enough of a universal outlook. And that was a hideous end table.)

What I'm saying is that, during a break up, the emotions are detonating in our heads, and maintaining physical control is tough enough, never mind the talky-talk noises.

So, while it was awesome to hear the line:

"You go through life thinking girls don't like you because you're a nerd, but that's not true. Girls don't like you because you're an asshole."

My first thought was: She just made that up on the spot? Really? Did she maybe have that come to her in the shower and then write it down? Wouldn't she need to pause and pull out a note card?

Thanks Aaron, but I get the idea the actual conversation was more like: "Hey, I don't like you and maybe we should break up but you have a lot of good things about you and stuff and maybe we can be really special friends."

Mark Zuckerberg: "But we are good times! I hate your ottoman!"

As to Facebook

• I go there all the time, but I don't participate much. I don't want to. My friends list includes about 100 people from my high school years that I never knew that well in the first place. It feels voyeuristic to follow the personal lives of relative strangers, and more than a bit awkward to share my experiences with people who never invited me to parties.
• I hate it when I make a comment and am met by a wall of nothing. All those people out there, and I can't get one damn response on my addition to the discussion about how the Cowboys suck? Did I make someone angry? How is it that the girl who wrote "I hate Mondais. ROFLMAO!" started a 30-response conversation?
• I also just realized something about the friends list: When you join Facebook, that thing explodes with requests from people all over the planet. You feel like a social behemoth. And then that growth slows down, and then you notice that you've been holding at 169 for eight months. Or was that 171 last week? Who did I hack off now?

The fun just kind of peters out after that.

Reaction to the movie:
Awesome. See it.