Homestead review

Per this request – “When are you going to post a review of the new Home Furnishings and Decor shop in downtown Hico?” -- I’ll be happy to write about one of my great passions besides drinking lots of beer: Crazy expensive furniture and antiques.

And, if anyone else has any questions about Hico, I’ll be glad to answer them, so long as I don’t have to leave the house or talk to someone.

Homestead is a kind of place that you’ll see in Fredericksburg. Or at least the kind of place that you’ll see in Fredericksburg within the last 10 years.

Walking in, my first reaction was, “Damn they spent a lot of money on this place.” How much, I can’t be sure. I am sure that part of the appeal the owners are aiming for is making people think, “Damn they spent a lot of money on this place.” So, for the curious who like old buildings, it's an interesting walk-in. For the not-so curious, you probably have better things to do.

The Homestead building is kind of a Hico landmark. It used to be the Opera House, and for decades after that, a Chrysler dealership managed to hang on there. I never knew how a car place could survive in Hico, but they always had a couple of the latest model trucks parked outside.

The dealership closed, I guess about 10 years ago, and the building was falling apart until these guys moved in. By “Guys” I basically mean some guy named “Bolton,” who is supposedly a big deal in Fredericksburg. He bought up half of downtown and has already opened up two other shops. Other people are moving into his other buildings, from what I can tell.

The whole Hico-Fredericksburg comparison is a little weird. Several shop owners in town are now openly marketing Hico as “The next Fredericksburg.” I can and can’t see it.

Hico’s location is great -- the intersection of Highway 6 and 281 brings in recreational traffic from all over the state, and the place fills up with yuppie motorcyclists every weekend. The rich are buying up ranchettes around here to the point that “Cross Timbers region” is now a marketable geographical name. Real estate agents no longer have to lie and say we are part of the Hill Country.

Hico has plenty of antique houses, in all conditions. Which, while charming, is how we’re different from Fredericksburg. Fred is 1850s German settlement. Hico is 1890s Texas rapscallions and farmers. Fred has almost no unsightly houses and ridiculous real estate prices. In Hico, we’re plenty big into the mobile home lots. With the rusted, wrecked cars. Next to the chicken coop. In the front yard.

Also, the nearest German restaurant is in Granbury, and walking around here with a beer will get you arrested, if an angry pack of Baptists doesn’t tackle you first.

So, maybe Hico will become the knick-knack center of the southwestern corner of North Texas. Or maybe it’ll just end up one big truck stop for the traffic on 281. We’ll see. I don’t care, so long as my land is not surrounded by vegetarian herb farmers and Starbucks by the time I die.

So, now that I’m completely off the subject of the store …

The stuff is nice. It’s a mix of antiques and new things based on old designs. Mostly wood cabinetry and overstuffed furniture of one sort or the other. And hella expensive. I walk in and am immediately conscious of my wallet and the way it’s pulling down my self esteem. Some of the merchandise is just useless decorative stuff that, to me, would be marketable only to ranch house pretenders.

On the other hand, you also have over-stuffed, leather chaise lounges. It went for $1,500, but Mom gave it a look of passion that my Dad hasn’t seen in decades, so it’s ours now.

I have managed to make one purchase, a garden statue of Saint Fiacre. Nothing I’ve planted has died yet.

Saint Fiacre of the Humongous Dill Weed