Today, we'll find out ... something

Last post taken down, as the tastelessness was overwhelming the funny for me.

The following has mainly to do with Lubbock and football, and is probably not of much interest to anyone.

This has been an great week for a Tech fan. Three points to make before the game tonight.

Lubbock's weathered the national spotlight pretty well, tho my wife has been reporting plenty of meth-addled and STD-infected comments from work.

The worst thing I read was a column with a backhanded compliment in the Star-Telegram by Gil Lebreton, who basically said that, for a bunch moonshine-swilling, sister-sexing, knuckle-dragging morons, Tech fans were behaving pretty well this time around.

I'm doubtful he was even aware of the ironic nature of his compliment, just as I think most sports media don't see how the hostility they get from Tech fans is their own dismissive attitude thrown back in their face.

The best thing I read this week was also in the Star-Telegram, by Jennifer Engel. She wrote about the possibility that Mike Leach, Tech's coach, might actually be happy in Lubbock. This is apparently a thought that doesn't occur to people outside of West Texas often.

I also tired of all the opinion pieces saying that this game was Tech's one chance to prove itself, one chance to earn the respect of the national media.

No it isn't. The national media ranks the Longhorns the No.1 team in the country, which therefore means that Texas is supposed to beat everyone else.

Besides, if Tech loses this game, then goes on to beat Oklahoma State and Oklahoma, are we still undeserving of respect? Do we still not have a program worthy of standing alongside the national powers?

Sheesh.

And go Tech.

Notes, almost football free

Meet Tag*.


*As in "Tag! You're now taking care of me."

Tag showed up about a month ago, a small calico with a wounded nose and a good nature. I've been feeding her since. She's a clean cat who helps keep the rat population around our house down. We know this because each rat she catches ends up on our doorstep.

We decided to be responsible and get Tag fixed the other day, only to find out that she'd already been defertilized. This would have been a bigger shock if it hadn't been the second time in my life I'd tried to fix a cat only to discover someone already did.

I don't get the mentality. "There, you're spayed. Now go away and starve to death."


Sam gets haircut, trip to emergency room
Sam's first hair trim wasn't a dramatic, milestone event I think it is for most kids.


This is because Sam doesn't have a lot of hair to begin with. A trip to the barber would've been a waste of money.

The strands he does have, however, were growing long and girly looking, so Mom provided the cutting. She did a good job. He's back to looking manly and ready to shoot something.

Two hours after I put Sam to bed on Saturday, he woke up crying and coughing. And coughing. Then his coughs turned into these ugly sounding things, like his internal organs were fighting with each other.

I got him out of bed. He kept coughing, and wheezing in between.

So figuring it was time for people to start freaking out, I called Meredith. Soon we were driving to the hospital.

Everything was OK. Sam was doing much better before we got to Cooks Children, and a quick examination revealed -- the croup.

Croup makes them bark like a seal and their throat passages swell, making it difficult to breath. The best treatment is to bring the infant out into the cold night air, which we had done by bringing him to the hospital.

He's been a bit stuffy since, but basically fine. The main thing I got out of the experience was the feeling I had sitting in the emergency room -- I felt just like I did when Sam was born, a mental deer-in-the-headlights-of-reality feeling that I had no idea what I was doing. I'm guessing that's never going to go completely away.

Tragedy on the gridiron
The Dallas Cowboys will always be the pro team I care about the most, even if I flirt with other teams from time to time.

Still, I don't have an ET-Elliot kind of connection with them. I don't think I ever could so long as Jerry Jones is the owner.

So it was with this detachment that I was able to laugh at the media mood on Monday morning.

To turn on the radio was to listen to people talk as if they were attending the tragic funeral of a best friend.

"Man ... I just don't know ... how could it ... how could they ... man."

(Personally, I think it's because everyone on that team feels drained by Jerry Jones' 24-hour Funtime Circus.)

Let's hope Romo's pinkie heals soon. It's all that stands between us and mass suicide.

How 'bout the Big 12 as the Middle East?

I was able to find this on some message boards going back about a month (and it could use some updating). Done originally -- I think -- by some guy calling himself Rabid Roger. See if you can guess the school Roger is rabid about. And if you can't, see if you can replace all your silverware with soft plastic sporks as soon as possible ...


TEXAS: Iran.
Somewhat of a controlling power in the region but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.

KANSAS: Kuwait.
Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iran.

NEBRASKA: Iraq.
A wealth of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it's all over.

OKLAHOMA: Saudi Arabia.
A proud kingdom, once torn up by fighting but known for historic past and prosperous future, surrounded by Iran and Iraq, with fanatics in Al-Qaeda (see below) who'll stop at nothing to bring them down.

MISSOURI: Syria.
Evil schemers who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization.

OKLAHOMA STATE: Al Qaeda.
No real country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to destroy the hope of those more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia. Terrorizing that country in the late 90's and early 2000 years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to the movement. They are fanatically loyal to their new leader.

KANSAS STATE: Palestinian territories.
No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in rankings)

IOWA STATE: Qatar.
Where is Qatar? Is it in our area?

Texas A&M: Afghanistan.
Not much going for it other than the crazy commoners.

BAYLOR: Israel.
None of the others understand why they're in the area.Just leave them alone. What did they ever do to you?

COLORADO: Morocco.
Not really part of the Middle East. Has other things to do than fight (or play football). Rumor is you can always go there for a good time.

TEXAS TECH: Libya.
Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness who will rattle his sword but knows he doesn't have a whole heck of a lot to back it up. Pulls the occasional sneak-attack and cries "Victory!"

The mid-season Big 12/Star Trek character comparison

The Microsoft network decided to rate the nation’s best and nation’s worst mascots. After looking at the results – Eh. The writer apparently decided that beauty was awesome and a random dude who dresses like a tree and gets arrested for public drunkenness is somehow a bad thing. Bill Gates is a moron.

Anyway, that bit, my recent description of OU fans, and another blogger who did this – only in comparison with "The Office" – got me to thinking: Which Star Trek character does each Big 12 school most closely resemble right now?

Let me just add that a quick Google check indicates I’m the only one thinking this. At least within the last 12 hours.

This is mainly from a Texas Tech perspective. It’s not like I can stop that. No one gets to be Picard. No one will ever get to be Kirk.

Oklahoma Sooners/The Borg

"We are the Sooner Nation. Prepare to be beaten. We will use BCS rule 78B part 5 addendum 17a to maintain our spot in the BCS championship game. You cannot stop us. You will be ... zzzzzzzzzz."

Texas A&M Aggies/Wharf
"Perhaps it is a good day to die!"

From his military culture, you’d expect the guy to be the Star Trek version of Chuck Norris. But he keeps on getting clobbered. It’s like the creators of the show like to see him beat up.

Colorado Buffaloes/Riker
"Giggity."

Everyone considers him competent, but you realize he’s too hotheaded and mistake-prone, and just seems to be around to contrast with the big dogs. He’s always going on and on about his ability with the ladies, but the only one you remember him dating was that androgynous, granola alien who wasn’t even sure if she was a chick.

Texas Tech Red Raiders/Geordi La Forge
"The chionic particles are dissembling in the alpha matrix. Ungh."

Not that anyone really talks about it, but the pirate fetish/visor thingy kind of freaks people out. Genius with the technical stuff. Only he tends to get so caught up in his machines/offense that he doesn’t notice the two dumb guys with clubs sneaking up from behind.

Nebraska Cornhuskers/Tribbles
"..."

They really like their grains. Appear all cute and cuddly, then practically overwhelm everything.

Missouri Tigers/Spock

A bad mofo. Texas Tech quarterbacks play against Missouri like someone pinched them in a vital area. Still, tends to have some kind of freakout three or four times a season – either it’s mating time or he’s gone all "la di da dee dah" all over the place. There’s a reason he’s not the captain.

Baylor/The Fifth Crewman
"Seems likable. They’ve given him a few more lines of dialogue than usual so far. Maybe he’ll be some one-episode hero or something ..."

The music crescendos. A high-pitched buzzing noise. And the whole screen turns a shade of pink.

"Nope. Guess not."

Oklahoma State Cowboys/Lokai (the half-white/half-black guy)

Appears to be incredibly powerful, but brings along his own seeds of destruction. You get the feeling that soon the T.Boone side and the Pickens side will be running through the flaming ruins of a great season.

Kansas Jayhawks/Gorn
"Shoot it! Shoot it!"

You’re not sure if he wants to out think you or eat you.

Kansas State Wildcats/Hawk

Cool guy, decent history. Seems somehow out of place.

Iowa State Cyclones/Terri Garr
"She was on the show?"

Yep – an early episode. Her job was to speak in a hippie slang, act confused and make everyone else look good.

Texas Longhorns/Captain Janeway
"Fire a photon torpedo – of sensitivity."

Does anyone else notice how much tea they drink on the later Star Treks? Was coffee outlawed during the Zefram Cochrane era? Anyway ... You’re in command, fine, fine. Just remember to tell that Irish hologram you spend so much time with that you’re still a long, long way from home.

Yes, sometimes I really like to outnerd myself.

Some thoughts on sports and fandomness

Warning: Post covers only obscure bits about football. This is not a sports blog, but, between school and Sam, it's what I spend most of my leisure time thinking about.

Saturday night I was in a bar.

***

Let's just take a moment to appreciate that.

Me.

Bar.

Saturday night.

Sigh.

(Shudder.)

(Tear.)

***

OK. Saturday night I was in a bar with a couple of buddies. We notice this guy sitting at a table across the room.

I notice him because he's the only guy I've seen since 2 p.m. wearing Oklahoma University gear. He's got the maroon cap, turned backward, with OU on the back. And he's wearing a maroon shirt emblazoned with "Beat Texas" in big, bold type.

He stops by the bar to get another round, and then yells at the bartender, who had given him a little smarm with his beer.

We stop the OU guy. I tell him I'm a Tech fan, but that he's dead-on about his team getting rooked with some horrible calls. Otherwise we give him props for having the cajones to keep wearing the T-shirt, after the fact, in enemy territory.

He begins, "It's OK. We'll be all right. Texas isn't going to get through the season without a some losses." He then rattles off some details about UT's competition, including a knowledge of Texas Tech that is deeper than my own. Then he leaves us, once again assuring us that OU will be OK.

And I had a vision. I could hear the same conversation, happening over and over again north of the Red River, borg-like in its repetition, certainty and knowledge.

It's not fun being on the recieving end of that intensity when it's directed at you, and you happen to be in the cheap seats at Memorial Stadium and your team is getting shallacked 57-6 and even the middle-aged lady sitting in front of you is handing you the business, along with her 7-year-old kid.

Still, on Saturday, I was left with a feeling of admiration for the kind of dedication and love (or something) that it takes to build to that level of knowledge and intensity.


Game faces
Earlier in the day, I made it to the Pour House in downtown Fort Worth (a fine bar for game watching) so that I could catch Tech playing Nebraska. As stated before, all the OU fans had left the area.

Plenty of Texas fans were hanging around to celebrate. Around halftime, the UT folks at the table behind got up to leave.

One guy, deadly serious, says, "OK guys. Let's not get cocky. We've got Missouri next week. We've GOT to get ready."

Ready for what? You just spent four hours in a bar an hour away from the game you watched. Did your beer selection affect Colt McCoy's passing accuracy? Did your pleas break all rules of space/time to land in the ref's ear?

All sports fans live vicariously through their teams. Everyone feels good after a win, cathartic after a loss. It's the reason people care.

But as a fan who's not at the game, your job is to:

1. Sit
2. Enjoy a tasty beverage
3. Watch TV

You don't need to put your game face on. You don't need to spend a week worrying about your level of mental intensity when the game starts. You don't need to boss your friends into not fumbling the order for chicken wings when we're going for it on fourth and two, dang it.

Because it don't mean diddly to the eventual outcome, jackhole.

Please chill. Enjoy yourself. That's kind of the point.

Kicker talk
I feel sorry for Donnie Carona, Tech's freshman kicker who just lost his job. But his situation proves the unwritten rule for kickers -- never, ever, ever award a placekicker a scholarship straight out of high school.

Speaking from my experience as perhaps the worst high school placekicker in Lubbock's not-very-proud gridiron history (0-1 in varsity field goal attempts), even I know that prep dudes don't kick high enough.

In high school, your average defensive line is made up of fat guys who average about 5'10" in height. In college, you've generally got 6'5" mountains of muscle with a 30-inch vertical jump.

Carona seems to have a hard time adjusting. Maybe he'll eventually get used to it.

Rivalry? Eh
I remember this e-mail joke from a few years back:

How many Texas Tech students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One student to screw in the light bulb, 27,000 students to desperately attempt to start a rivarly with other schools over light bulb screwing.

It came to me while I was reading the latest Tim McMahon post in the Dallas Morning-News, as he attempts to stir the pot between Tech and A&M fans once again.

The gist of the conversation is this: Tech has always wanted to beat A&M. A&M has never given Tech the credit of a rival, taking the position that the Red Raiders aren't good enough and they don't care enough about them to call it a rivalry.

This has gone on for a few years. And it hit me that maybe Tech fans shouldn't really care about being in a rivalry with A&M or even Texas.

Being in Lubbock, we've always been the red-headed stepchild of whatever conference we've played in. Everyone always writes us off. I say to hell with all of 'em.

We should drop the non-existent rivalries for an us-against-the-world type stance. It's closer to the real feelings of most West Texans, anyway.

(No predictions for this weekend. A&M blows this year, but so did Nebraska. No idea what'll happen.)

Like Bart Simpson on Snow Day

Staying homebound hasn't been a whole lot of fun lately.

First, the Star-Telegram had a story the other day on the beginning of the Oktoberfest season. One of my favorite college memories was whooping it up to the chicken dance in Addison. You could get a huge souvenir beer glass that would shatter within three weeks of purchase. Kind of surprising they've never been sued.

Second, the State Fair of Texas is in full swing. The local PBS station has been airing an excellent documentary on the history of the fair. I've loved the show ... it made me want to blow $30 on all the deep-fried whatever they've come up this year. (I believe the deep-fried grilled-cheese sandwich, served with tomato soup, won this year's tastiest award.)

I want to pet some exotic domesticated pigs from Australia. I want to wander among the merchants and decide not to buy a belt made from ostrich feathers. I want to be mildly intimidated by the thick crowds of young ruffians who fill the park at sundown.

And I want to spend 15 minutes just standing there, basking in the glory of Big Tex -- which started out as a giant Santa Claus, according to the documentary.

Also gleaned from the fair documentary:

• The two biggest draws used to be strippers and gambling on horses.
• When I first heard the phrase "Negro Day" in the movie Hairspray, I thought it was an over-the-top satirical slam. Not really. The state fair had it's own "Negro Appreciation Day" each year -- the only day black people could participate in all of the exhibits. I can only imagine such days were part of most events all over the United States, before the civil rights movement.

Son turns one

We celebrated Sam's first birthday over the weekend. And -- despite the stress involved with attempting to feed and entertain 15 people in a small house with no seating -- things went pretty well. It helps that a 1-year-kid can provide a lot of entertainment.

Thanks to our guests. Sam got so many toys that he probably won't have time to play with them all before he graduates to the "I want a gun" level of toydom.

My Aunt Peggy gave him this plastic table that lights up and sings a song any time you push a button, spin a wheel, etc. He really seems keen on this bit that sings out numbers, and I'm sure I'll soon be hearing "One-twothreefour-five-six-seven-Eight-NINE-TE-EN!" in my sleep any day now. But it's kinda fascinating to watch him figure things out, make intellectual progress right in front of you, as opposed to coming home from school one day and telling me what's in an atom.

Otherwise -- the boy has grown a lot in a year. Like amazingly. Here's a comparison:

Sam in the delivery room (all cleaned up, no gross stuff here).

And Sam at one year.

And since I don't want to write any sentimental junk, I'll let Jim Croce do it for me.

I take the reigns for now

I've been busy lately, and didn't have time to notice that I have taken another head coaching slot.

So it was Jeremy who let me know that you can now call me Mr. Rams Interim Head Coach, thank you very much.

Stress seems to be getting me, what with the turkey neck and all. In the very least, no one will accuse this team of fading down the stretch.

Go St. Louis. And your quarterback, who is probably the sixth or seventh guy since Kurt Warner left, not that anyone really cares.