The Microsoft network decided to rate the nation’s best and nation’s worst mascots. After looking at the results – Eh. The writer apparently decided that beauty was awesome and a random dude who dresses like a tree and gets arrested for public drunkenness is somehow a bad thing. Bill Gates is a moron.
Anyway, that bit, my recent description of OU fans, and another blogger who did this – only in comparison with "The Office" – got me to thinking: Which Star Trek character does each Big 12 school most closely resemble right now?
Let me just add that a quick Google check indicates I’m the only one thinking this. At least within the last 12 hours.
This is mainly from a Texas Tech perspective. It’s not like I can stop that. No one gets to be Picard. No one will ever get to be Kirk.
Oklahoma Sooners/The Borg
"We are the Sooner Nation. Prepare to be beaten. We will use BCS rule 78B part 5 addendum 17a to maintain our spot in the BCS championship game. You cannot stop us. You will be ... zzzzzzzzzz."
Texas A&M Aggies/Wharf
"Perhaps it is a good day to die!"
From his military culture, you’d expect the guy to be the Star Trek version of Chuck Norris. But he keeps on getting clobbered. It’s like the creators of the show like to see him beat up.
Colorado Buffaloes/Riker
"Giggity."
Everyone considers him competent, but you realize he’s too hotheaded and mistake-prone, and just seems to be around to contrast with the big dogs. He’s always going on and on about his ability with the ladies, but the only one you remember him dating was that androgynous, granola alien who wasn’t even sure if she was a chick.
Texas Tech Red Raiders/Geordi La Forge
"The chionic particles are dissembling in the alpha matrix. Ungh."
Not that anyone really talks about it, but the pirate fetish/visor thingy kind of freaks people out. Genius with the technical stuff. Only he tends to get so caught up in his machines/offense that he doesn’t notice the two dumb guys with clubs sneaking up from behind.
Nebraska Cornhuskers/Tribbles
"..."
They really like their grains. Appear all cute and cuddly, then practically overwhelm everything.
Missouri Tigers/Spock
A bad mofo. Texas Tech quarterbacks play against Missouri like someone pinched them in a vital area. Still, tends to have some kind of freakout three or four times a season – either it’s mating time or he’s gone all "la di da dee dah" all over the place. There’s a reason he’s not the captain.
Baylor/The Fifth Crewman
"Seems likable. They’ve given him a few more lines of dialogue than usual so far. Maybe he’ll be some one-episode hero or something ..."
The music crescendos. A high-pitched buzzing noise. And the whole screen turns a shade of pink.
"Nope. Guess not."
Oklahoma State Cowboys/Lokai (the half-white/half-black guy)
Appears to be incredibly powerful, but brings along his own seeds of destruction. You get the feeling that soon the T.Boone side and the Pickens side will be running through the flaming ruins of a great season.
Kansas Jayhawks/Gorn
"Shoot it! Shoot it!"
You’re not sure if he wants to out think you or eat you.Kansas State Wildcats/Hawk
Cool guy, decent history. Seems somehow out of place.
Iowa State Cyclones/Terri Garr
"She was on the show?"
Yep – an early episode. Her job was to speak in a hippie slang, act confused and make everyone else look good.
Texas Longhorns/Captain Janeway
"Fire a photon torpedo – of sensitivity."
Does anyone else notice how much tea they drink on the later Star Treks? Was coffee outlawed during the Zefram Cochrane era? Anyway ... You’re in command, fine, fine. Just remember to tell that Irish hologram you spend so much time with that you’re still a long, long way from home.
Yes, sometimes I really like to outnerd myself.
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