How 'bout the Big 12 as the Middle East?

I was able to find this on some message boards going back about a month (and it could use some updating). Done originally -- I think -- by some guy calling himself Rabid Roger. See if you can guess the school Roger is rabid about. And if you can't, see if you can replace all your silverware with soft plastic sporks as soon as possible ...


TEXAS: Iran.
Somewhat of a controlling power in the region but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.

KANSAS: Kuwait.
Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iran.

NEBRASKA: Iraq.
A wealth of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it's all over.

OKLAHOMA: Saudi Arabia.
A proud kingdom, once torn up by fighting but known for historic past and prosperous future, surrounded by Iran and Iraq, with fanatics in Al-Qaeda (see below) who'll stop at nothing to bring them down.

MISSOURI: Syria.
Evil schemers who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization.

OKLAHOMA STATE: Al Qaeda.
No real country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to destroy the hope of those more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia. Terrorizing that country in the late 90's and early 2000 years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to the movement. They are fanatically loyal to their new leader.

KANSAS STATE: Palestinian territories.
No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in rankings)

IOWA STATE: Qatar.
Where is Qatar? Is it in our area?

Texas A&M: Afghanistan.
Not much going for it other than the crazy commoners.

BAYLOR: Israel.
None of the others understand why they're in the area.Just leave them alone. What did they ever do to you?

COLORADO: Morocco.
Not really part of the Middle East. Has other things to do than fight (or play football). Rumor is you can always go there for a good time.

TEXAS TECH: Libya.
Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness who will rattle his sword but knows he doesn't have a whole heck of a lot to back it up. Pulls the occasional sneak-attack and cries "Victory!"