Bug people

Folks always made fun of Tom Delay’s background as an exterminator. I’m beginning to see how the experience made excellent congressional training.

Last year, we hired an exterminator, after the bug problem in my house got under the skin of my very lovely and granola wife. The man came out, talked to us about his company’s "vision" for half an hour, and tried to sign us up for seasonal treatments at $200 a pop. We said we’d think about it (we were thinking, "Hell no") and he eventually sprayed and left.

Two months later, the bug company began leaving messages on our phone, saying it was time for a treatment. Three weeks after that, an exterminator showed up unannounced at our door, asking if he could spray the insides.

"Ah, no."

How ‘bout a perimeter treatment?

"No thanks."

He left, and about 20 minutes later, we had a rather testy message on the answering machine (we never answer) from the bug people. But at least that was the last we heard of them.

Last month, the termites came. They haven’t swarmed, but they’ve deposited little brown mounds on a spot on the high wall over the kitchen.

And so the estimate process began again. We’ve had two people over so far, will have two more tomorrow.

The first guy was pretty laid back, and was in and out in about 30 minutes.

The next guy was from Terminix. He came in, talked about his vision for what the house needed, and refused to give a price. Then he spent about an hour going through and around the house, going so far as to pull out some metal-detector looking doohickey with which he went over the walls -- a grim expression plastered on his face the entire time.

Then he came back in and started to give his sales presentation to Meredith*. The presentation includes a 10-minute video, which talks about Terminix’s dedication to the customer and features some really disgusting photos of termites.

Then, he gives his first price: $110 a month for the next two years for complete coverage. (The first guy just had a one-time cost of $700.)

There is sticker shock. How about a one-time treatment?

"$900."

Still too high.

"We have a coupon out there right now, I think. That'd make it $800."

Umm ...

"Perhaps $650?"

I hear, "What can I do for us to begin treatment today?" He even calls the manager, who tells him to tell us to get bent.

Finally, three hours after he first arrived in the house, he leaves.

I have distant memories from the growing up years of the exterminator.

A man came by our house in an unmarked white van and sprayed around, after which point, mom paid him. And that was about it.

I’m left wondering if Mom was lucky enough to know someone, or if the trend to the hard-sell-packages-that-nobody-needs is new to the business of bug killing.

I don't know. I just wish Dale Dribble had a blog.

* I left Meredith alone for two reasons. Salesmen love to play couples off on each other. And I didn't want to sit through it. I would have had more sympathy for Meredith had she not let the man in the house before I put my pants on.