Welcome back to journalism

Scene: A smallish newspaper office, populated with a variety of newspaper types. The phone rings at an empty sports editor’s desk.

Me: Sports, can I help you?

Fan: Is this the sports editor?

Me: He’s not at his desk. I’m [redacted, redacted]. I can try to help you.

Fan: OK. Well, I’m a local high school baseball fan, giggle, and I have a question. I don’t really want to come off here as being too aggressive.

Me: I’ll try to answer or find someone who can.

Fan: You ran a person’s picture two days in a row, and ... there’s 12 other people on the team and I was wondering how that happened. I don’t want to be aggressive. Giggle.

Later check, pictures in question include a mug shot that is about 1 ½ square inches in space, followed by a game shot of a tag out at base, otherwise known by photographers as the "quick and easy, I got three other games to shoot."

Me: Really? Well, our photographers usually shoot what’s available, they might have someone they’re trying to get, they might shoot something else, there’s not a whole lot ...

Fan: How does someone have their kid photographed? Is their some kind of agreement here?

Me: If you’ll let me answer the question ...

Fan: Giggle.

Me: Our photographers work with us but generally come up with their own shots.

Fan: I just want to know how this works. Do agents provide some kind of incentive for you to promote certain players?

Me: (Blink).

Me: Giggle. Uhm. It’s kind of aggressive of you to be asking if we take bribes.

Fan: I’m not being aggressive. I’m asking you professionally.

Me: You’re asking me professionally if we take bribes?

Fan: You’re the one who’s being aggressive! I just want to know how this works. You know how radio stations pick the music they play? Record company agents pay them to promote their works.

Me: But we don’t play Britney Spears. (No, didn’t actually say that, just wish I did.)

Fan: So I was wondering if parents of certain players had hired agents.

Me: Why would they come to us?

Fan: To get their kids all the attention of colleges and pro scouts.

Me: Sir, I don’t think that a kid getting his picture in the paper has any bearing ...

Fan: I’m just wanting to know how this works. You’re being very aggres ...

Me: Scouts have a lot of ways of ...

Fan: Because these coaches can be ...

Me (louder): OK. The question you’re asking here is "Do we take money to put certain players in the paper?"

Fan: Yes.

Me: The answer is no.

Fan: (Pause.)

Fan: OK. Now what is your name?

Name is spelled out. Bold, all-caps, underlined and italicized.

Fan: OK, thanks, I justwantedtoknowhowthisworks (click).