At the graduation of A&M Consolidated High School, 2007

Relation: Second-oldest nephew

Start time 7 p.m., Texas A&M University coliseum thing, College Station

6 p.m.: Graduate’s father shows up early, reserves chairs for family by placing cards on empty seats. Another parent plops herself down in the middle of the saved seats and refuses to move. Much vociferous conversation ensues.

6:45 p.m.: Family shows up. Witness arrival of a security guard called by the family behind us, also angry about the reserved seats. "I’m not messing with reserved seats stuff," he says, and walks away. Feeling lucky to possess what must be the most awesome seats in the world, we sit back and get ready for the ceremony.

6:58 p.m.: The welcome. Entire crowd responds with "Whoop!"
(Sheesh, Aggies.)

7:20 p.m.: We are 15 minutes into "Pomp and Circumstance" and the seats aren’t even a third full. Ho boy.

Highlights of the student speeches:

"We can’t wait to blow this town."

"As soon as you’re born, your future is in front of you for the rest of your life."

"It doesn’t make sense to us, and it doesn’t make sense to anyone else."

7:45 p.m.: The diploma-giving commences. The first to receive her diploma wears a head scarf and each part of her name starts with the letter "A". The world is changing. It used to be the Amy Andersons who were always the first in line. No more.

7:48 p.m.: I wonder what’ll happen to Acie Law in the NBA?

7:51 p.m.: We’re on the "Bs".

7:53 p.m.: I should stop looking at my watch.

Sometime after 8 p.m.: The first beach ball appears, an open act of rebellion against authority, cheered on by the class, and quickly joined by two other beach balls. Eventually picked up. Students warned by principal for the last time in their lives to behave.

8:30ish: About half the boys who get their diploma do a slow strut across the stage. Mixed feelings. Acting formal means you understand something big is happening, you’ll remember it as something important. On the other hand, I like the attitude, because I think it is cool.

8:45ish: Watch my nephew get his diploma. We take our allotted three seconds to clap and yell. He’s graduated with honors, has his college and college roommate picked out, and is otherwise the picture of happy calm. Nothing like me. I was a shell of anger and sarcasm over a whimpering 7-year-old girl.

8:50ish: Adults start to give their speeches. Snooooooze.

9 p.m.: There seems to be some confusion as to when to throw the cap. It’s after the school song, kiddoes. Always after.

9:15ish: We head home for cookies and a couple of beers.

Everybody thinks about what they’d say if they ever got the opportunity to give a commencement address. I’d just like to have the opportunity to respond to the speeches made:

Chances are you believe that this place, where your parents scratched out a living and did their best for you, is the most boring place on earth, populated with some of the stupidest people. I hope for your success, and I hope that it doesn’t take you too long to figure out that you can’t do much better than hang out with the friends you’ve made in College Station, Lubbock, Denton or whatever place you call home. Don’t drink and drive.

Alas poor Hico, for I knew thee well ...

Last weekend, Hico had its annual "Texas Steak Cookoff and Tourist Trap" event. Yes that's a joke.

The preview in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram started with the line:

"Face it. Hico is hot."

Dang it. My favorite place on earth is becoming cool to the Texas crowd. Fredericksburg cutesiness can't be far behind.

Pig debatin'

So I saw this at work today:

From AP

"Stone made news last week when the world learned of his massive kill, a 1,051-pound feral hog, which he shot eight times with a pistol on a hunting preserve in eastern Alabama. But the young man soon found himself in a media maelstrom when some Web sites questioned the veracity of the photographs."

And just to add to the conversation as this makes it's way around the internet: The boy was right in what he did do.


I'm not much for hunting. Don't like to see bunnies and doves go into their death shudder. But I don't have a problem with people who do. It usually turns into good eating.


My point here, though, is that shooting this sucker kind of transcends the normal ethics of hunting. I heard one girl at work mention that this hog took three hours to die, and it was most likely not a happy death.


On the other hand, something this big, out in the wild, is going to be a menace to everything around it. Imagine taking the dogs for a walk, and you run into one of these suckers. Do you think anyone's getting out of that one unscathed?


I therefore side for the killing of the giant pigs, with extreme prejudice.


Also, I like bacon.

Winner: Most random search award

I check my site counter every day for a couple of reasons:

• I'm a loser.
• It's cool to see who's stopping by.
• Who the hell do I know in Chicago?

The counter service I have keeps track of the searches that led people here. The photo I posted of Paris Hilton dragged in God knows how many people.

But most of the searches are pretty mundane -- "Hico journalist", "Hico newspaper" -- and stumbling in here probably does nothing but piss most people off.

My love of the Outfield keeps bringing folks in, I've had about a dozen hits from people who searched "i cant believe the things that happen to me".

But, on Tuesday, we had a visitor who came in after searching for... "Hico gas saw".

Hico. Gas. Saw. What is that? I could understand it if some dude in Hico was searching for power tools, but Hiconians avoid this site like the plague. I haven't even had traffic from towns close to Hico.

And when the hell did I write about Gas Saws in the Hamilton County area? *

Wierd.

*Yes, I realize I could google it. I'm not in the mood.

And otherwise...
Haven't had time to be active here for a while, so I've had a few posts stacking up in my head. Will have more in the near future.

RiffTrax: One of God's high quality gifts

For anyone out there who loved Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Rexmous posted about RiffTrax earlier this month. The premise is -- well, there is no premise. Mike Nelson, head writer and eventual host of MST3K, has recorded MP3 files to go with movies. You play the files in synch with the movies, and proceed to laugh, if you have any kind of sense of humor whatsoever.

I put "Star Wars: Episode 1" at the top of my NetFlix queue, and had my first experience with it last night. Good stuff. The file consisted of Nelson and the guy who played servo the robot, basically doing the same thing they've always done and being funny about it.

In some ways, it's better than MST3K:

• Since they no longer have to buy royalties for movies, they can do whatever they want.
• The format gives them more freedom than they had with the old show, where they had to keep up the premise of Mike stranded in space with his robots, and shoe everthing into the same time format.

It's not perfect either. You can tell the guys don't have the same kind of support they used to have. 87 jokes about Jar Jar sucking your will to live is a bit much -- especially considering we all knew the character was a somewhat lacking, a somewhat racist, a somewhat huge sign of George Lucas refusing to care anymore, back in the last millenium.

And you can imagine that keeping a movie and accompanying MP3 file synchronized can be annoying. The MP3 kept getting ahead of the movie soundtrack, so I'd have to pause it every now and then to let the movie catch up.

They do have audio cues on the track to help you keep things in synch. There's also a program you can download if you watch the movie on the computer. No idea if it works, but I'll probably give it a try.

And it wasn't that much of a problem anyway. The comedy was good enough that I didn't care about the minor technical difficulties.

Obviously, this stuff costs money, between $3 and $2. Yeah, that'll be a huge to burden to all y'all, but do your best to cope.

I don't really have a "thumbs up" kind of slogan to sign off with here. So ... it's good. hooray.

Links

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Ughh

Haven't posted or done much of anything of value lately. I haven't posted here. The room my wife allows me to do my man stuff in is a pile of unpicked up clothes. I feel like the blob, if only the blob had been a passive monster who liked watching World War II movies while drinking milkshakes.

Anyway. I have crossed a threshold. The Last Pair of Pants is now tight. It is time to commence The Losing of Weight.*

*I Like Capital Letters. It's a Shame No Newspaper In America Uses Upstyle In It's Headlines Any More.

Good things from Todd...

I've been way freaking behind getting stuff out lately, but here's some good things from Todd ...

"I contend that this website can make just about any US citizen feel good about their financial position. http://www.globalrichlist.com/ "

And a site for people who can enjoy a life of minimalism (It once was me, alas, alas, for sooth). http://www.resourcesforlife.com/groups/smallhousesociety/
Also for people who need some place to put their really big stuffed animals.

And now for a word from our sponsor ...

Folks:
This the second most random thing that's happened with this blog, right after the lady who popped up to defend Ricky Williams.
About a week ago, I got an e-mail asking if I would review the DVD release of the first season of WKRP in Cincinnati. I thought it was bogus, but gave them my work address ... and the DVD set showed up today.
I've been contacted by an online marketing campaign. They specialize in building networks of fans to get the word out. (Here's an article that makes them seem evil.)
I realize this could bring up some integrity concerns for some of you, but:

• You really don't care, and,
• I remain pure as the driven snow.

I'll be happy to explain why to anyone who wants to ask.
In the meantime, this "viral" campaign receives the News From Hico Official Seal of Approval.
It seems innocuous to me. You send material to interested people, and then ask them to write about it.
I'm looking forward to watching and doing some research on the show, one of my favorites from a long time ago.
And since this song has been banging around in my head for a week now, I'll give it to you ...

Williams, busted

From the Associated Press:

"MIAMI - Former NFL rushing champion Ricky Williams tested positive again for marijuana last month, which will delay his return to the league until at least September, a person familiar with the case said Friday. Williams sought to end a one-year drug suspension last month when he asked to rejoin the Miami Dolphins."

Here are some other things Williams is positive about:

• Dolphin-shaped clouds that rain Doritos.
• Dennis Kucinich's chances in the Democratic primary
• Yoga with Ron Artest.
• A football covered with pink cotton candy.
• Teal.
• Whatever major national holiday happens next.

No, I have nothing against Ricky Williams, and I think marijuana should be legalized. Still, the man has an epic passion for weed.

More Tech stuff

This broke Wednesday. But I'm posting it late because none of you care anyway.

Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones visited Lubbock this week to pitch an annual Texas Tech/Oklahoma State game at the new Cowboys stadium, an idea I like. Last week, the news broke that the City of Dallas was after the game, to be played in the Cotton Bowl, which I didn't like.

"The message was clear: If Tech is going to play Oklahoma State or anyone else in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, forget the Cotton Bowl. Mr. Jones wants the game in Arlington.
Mr. Jones did not initiate specific negotiations to move any Tech home game from Jones AT&T Stadium to Arlington, athletic director Gerald Myers said. But Mr. Jones' move got Tech officials thinking, and Dallas Mayor Laura Miller is practically steaming."

The primary problem with playing in the Cotton Bowl is that you're only seen as the warm-up band to Texas/OU. The Great White to White Snake.

Playing in the new stadium, though, doesn't sound that bad. It's a different venue, so people wouldn't have to be constantly reminded that they Bevo and that little wagon thingy aren't in attendance. They'd get their own showcase, their own game. Plus, it pisses the City of Dallas off.

Also of interest: The fact that Tech is talking about this has some Aggie fans a little ansy. The A&M athletic director addressed this on the department's web site.

"I've heard from a number of you about articles you have read regarding a proposal by Oklahoma State and Texas Tech to move their annual Big 12 football game to the Cotton Bowl," Byrne wrote. "What set most of you comic-book readin', LegoLand collectin' gigs* off were quotes from OSU folks talking about the recruiting advantage they would gain in the Metroplex."

All this info is from the Dallas Morning News. The Lubbock paper has some kind of weird registration thing that won't allow me to view it, even after I've registered about six times. So I don't know what they've done.

*I made that up.

By the way ...

The wife. She's pregnant.


UPDATE: OK, to stop being a jerkface ...

• When: The baby is due in September.
• What: It's a boy, we've named him Sam.
• Are we ready: Well, the other day we discussed the fact that we had clothes and had picked out the furniture, so "that's good for now." There are times you can hear God laughing.
• Other thoughts: We don't consider Sam to be a "junior" kind of situation, as I've never gone by that name, except in college when I got tired of teaching professors my nickname. I've always liked the name, and it hacks me off that it happens to be popular right now. ... Sam himself has tested healthy in every way, and Mer says that he has really started to explore the studio space.

Actual news from Hico

On my latest trip, I had a chance to peruse the mid-April edition of the Hico News-Review:

• For the third time in three years, proponents of a rule allowing the sale of alcohol in town (more or less) have successfully put the issue on the ballot. I was made aware of this by the appearance of three letters to the editor, all in opposition. No letters appeared in support. This is because anyone who did write a pro-beer letter can expect to called out on Sunday in front of the the Baptist or Church of Christ congregations. I don't want to think about what the Seventh-Day Adventists would do.
• Putty was trampled by a bull last month and is in recovery. We all wish him well.
• The Hico track and field team won a district championship. Coverage includes a picture of a hurdler who won gold, despite the fact that she jumps with both of her hands above her head.
• The editor of the paper broke a six-week stint (more or less) of writing columns that consisted of: "Sorry folks, too busy to put a column together this week." (His picture and by-line were still included.) His broke his silence to talk about Putty, and wishing him well.
• This is why I want to live there.

In defense of Paris

Nothing to add.

I can't think of anything better than the dumb and diseased jokes already out there.

You have to admit she's a societal phenomenom -- when everything on the subject out of everyone's mouth is already a cliche before it hits your ears.

On second thought, I'll add that I'm not dismissively appalled by the Paris Hilton story.

Earlier this year, the Associated Press decided to go a week without doing a Paris Hilton story. The word eventually got out, and the AP then wrote a self-serving story congratulating themselves on their attempt to give us less Paris Hilton.

Because, you know, we can't be trusted with information on Paris Hilton. There are too many people out there who might take the Paris Hilton story and try to be billionaire heiresses with a sex drive permanently at the Vulcan seven-year peak level.

Nah. The story has a barometric importance. Everyone needs points of comparison to figure out who they are.

Paris Hilton is a combination of characteristics so far out on the edges of the bell curve that she's at a point for which 99.9999 percent of us have no reference. She's like a Niagara Falls of money, fame and sexual recklessness that we can only gawk at behind railings.

So I don't mind the occasional Hilton update. She doesn't get preachy, or is laughably inept when she tries. She only wreaks havoc on the lives of the people who follow her around, not the general populace.

I don't get any feeling whatsoever regarding her latest advertising deal or the latest trip to the slammer. Hilton is just an odd, horse-faced sign that pops up every now and then on my television screen to remind me of how bad things can get if I make the wrong decisions.

Which is more than can be said of most celebrities.

Tech, Oklahoma State game may move to Cotton Bowl

According to the Dallas Morning News.

Tech's athletic department has been talking about doing this for years. The underlying idea is to get a game in front of the Dallas recruiting market, but I always thought it was a bad plan.

Everyone already knows Tech plays second fiddle to Texas, there's no reason to emphasize this by staging a warm-up to the real Texas-OU contest at the State Fair.

There are plenty of colleges (Nebraska, anything in Iowa) that draw plenty of attention without making a traveling circus of themselves. Instead, you give up a home game and have to worry about whether or not you'll even be able to sell out the stadium.

Someone at work remarked that this also takes away from the "greatness that is Texas-OU."

I have to admit I don't care so much about that.

On the other hand, I have a legitimate shot of seeing a Texas Tech game in person in the distant future. So it's not all bad.

First video post

Only took me 18 months to get to this point.

Took this from another site, but I figured this would be a decent first video embed for here.



I cried for two hours the first time I watched it.

Link to links on the video here. Of course, I got there through another link that I'm not going to share. Such is the way I roll.

A very small political observation

The focus right now on the presidential race is too early and can only to screw things up even more.

I'm a political junkie, but I don't really want to give the race more than a passing thought until October. Really, 12 months is a good enough amount of time to make this decision. Now, I can't go to a blog or newscast without hearing poll results and seeing campaign appearances.

The only people who really care right now are the party members, and they don't have the same priorities as normal people.

Meanwhile, the candidates' are just giving us the typical meaningless drivel, breathlessly reported upon like it was something interesting. People are only going to get tired. I'm tired. And tune it all out before the voting even starts.

I liked the old timing. The worst thing about Iowa going first was an umpteen-billion dollar subsidy for ethanol that isn't worth a crap.

We could do worse. I shudder in horror at what the candidates will be promising California.

A small Katie awards update

Latest story on the ongoing hoohah involving Texas' most honorable press awards.

Main fact I find interesting: The event has apparently been bogus since 2003. Three years of a the lying lady in a professional journalist society playing bingo with industrial awards, and no one noticed.

Was anybody actually reading the winning entries?

(I'm laughing now.)